I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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