at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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