I feel like abortions should bother me more
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
