dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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