if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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