her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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