I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
