drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
