YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
