If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
