Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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