i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
