I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
