Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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