I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
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it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
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Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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