I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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