im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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