I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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