I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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