puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
