i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
