the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Randomize
