im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
