I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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