DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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