i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
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I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
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Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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