Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
