Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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