Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
