No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
