i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
