If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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