I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
