I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
