They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
