she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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