____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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