Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
