So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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