halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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