Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
