batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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