I like to think it a success when the cops are called
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
This toilet bowl is my home.
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