i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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