It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
