On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
