I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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