I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
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ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
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Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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