are you still at the devil's house?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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