And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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