toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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