worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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