this boner is exhausting
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
