he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
