obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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