Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
two words...techno handjob
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
