I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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