We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
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If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
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Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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