I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
