Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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