Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
