At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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